The Poison in Our Blood
by Lady Fuschia
Summary: the sequel to 'Colours of the night'. Its many years later and Lucius and Remus meet again. It this one meeting enough to shatter the walls they have built around them?
1. A glance in a bookshop

(A/N) Right, this is a sequel to 'Colours of the Night'. This story is set just after the fourth HP book, when Sirius has returned from Azkaban and is in hiding and Voldemort has returned. I'm not sure if this will be a happy sequel or not but, we'll see. Anyway I hope you enjoy reading it- and if you haven't read 'Colours of the Night' I suggest you check it out cos basically you need to read the first to understand the sequel.

CHAPTER ONE: A Glance in a Bookshop.

Remus Lupin opened the door of his rather shabby London flat and stepped outside into the rain-soaked street. He lived in the bottom flat of an old townhouse, derelict and damp. But Remus didn't mind, it was the best he could afford and any place seemed good to him. Since he had been fired from his position at Hogwarts Remus had been short on money, no one in the wizarding world would give him a job because of his 'condition'. He was used to that now though, but that didn't stop him from sinking into depression. He drank, he drank far too much and he knew it was wrong. But when you had lost all your friends and had been reduced to working in a muggle Paper shop then drinking seemed awfully appealing. Plus there were the memories, the faint images of white-gold hair and silver eyes that flashed before him at night, when he was too drunk and stupid to keep them at bay.

Images that he desperately wanted to become reality. He could almost imagine touching the silky strands of hair, could almost recall the feel of it under his fingers. But no, Remus knew it was no good to dwell on the past, a past that threatened to drag him under. He was thirty-five for God's sake; thirty-five and he still couldn't get over something that had happened when he was sixteen.

He had never spoken to Lucius again. Oh he had seen the man from a distance, in the crowds in Diagon Alley, or watching his son play Quidditch at Hogwarts. His son, Draco had been a constant reminder to Remus when he had worked at Hogwarts. But Draco was nothing like Lucius had been before that Halloween. Draco was malicious and nasty from the start.

Remus sighed and put up his black umbrella, Diagon alley was only a little walk from his flat so he was willing to put up with the rain. He was visiting Flourish and Blotts, intent on getting some new reading material. Maybe that would stop him from resorting to drink at night. He ran a pale hand through his long amber-grey hair; he hadn't bothered to tie it back. He never bothered any more.

As he walked down the dim grey streets Remus seemed to the people that passed him almost like a shadow, silent and faded.

Passing through the Leaky Cauldron Remus kept his head down; he didn't want to talk to anybody.

Flourish and Blotts was busy when he entered, Remus liked it that way. He liked a crowd that he could just disappear into. Making his way over to a large selection of books on ancient folklores Remus nearly tripped over a small boy scrambling one the floor, searching for his sweets. Moving hurriedly away Remus reached the books. He scanned the shelves, his eyes searching for anything that would look remotely interesting. Suddenly his eyes picked out a book 'Werewolf Lore: A guide to Dark Creatures'. Remus drew a sharp intake of breath, it was the book he had been reading that time in the library, the time when Lucius had....well, it didn't matter now.

Slowly he reached out his hand for the book, at the same time as another hand was reaching. Remus froze, recognising the slim, pale fingers which closed around the desired book and pulled it from its resting place on the shelf.

Slowly Remus turned around to come face to face with none other than Lucius Malfoy. And oh but he was still beautiful. His white-gold hair fell longer now, past his waist, tied with a black ribbon, little wisps that the wind had freed hung gently around his pale face, the eyes of which stared big and wide as they took in the man before them. The mouth hung open; its pale lips looked as though they were trying to form a word, a name, Remus's name.

Then the spell was broken, Narcissa appeared, pale and pointed beside her husband. Lucius's eyes iced over and a sneer formed on his perfect lips. "Werewolf." He hissed before shoving the book into Remus's arms. Then with a final smirk he was gone, Narcissa and Draco in tow, the shop door slamming behind them.

Feeling weaker than he had felt in a long time Remus almost sank to his knees, fear of people noticing him, however, stopped him. He walked dazedly to the counter and paid for the book, his mind on other things.

That night Remus sat at his desk, a half empty bottle of Fire-whisky beside him and tears on his face. He had never been able to forget Lucius, the one person who had made him happy, the one person who had wormed their way into his heart and then broken it. It didn't matter, Lucius had been the only one he had wanted, and he still was the only one he wanted. That one night with Sirius, how Remus regretted it, things had never ever been the same between Sirius and him since then.

Remus sighed; all he could see was Lucius. Why had the other man been looking at a book on Werewolves? It didn't make sense, nothing made sense any more.

* * *

Lucius Malfoy slammed the study door behind him and leant against it, listening to his wife's footsteps as they disappeared down the marble floor. His mind was in a muddle, it had been a mess since his encounter with Remus Lupin earlier that day. He had been living for so long, pretending that nothing had ever happened between them, pretending that he didn't see Remus in his mind every time he fucked his wife, or Voldemort fucked him. Lucius shivered and clutched his face in his hands. These thoughts were weak, if Voldemort knew he had these thoughts his master would not be pleased.

Yes his Master, Lucius knew he was nothing more than a puppet on Voldemort's strings but it was too late now to change that. Too late to change destiny, too late to get the happiness he really wanted.

Just then a form stepped out of the shadows at the end of the room, beside the unlit marble fireplace. "My poor Lucius," a serpent tongue hissed. "Why do you shake so?"

Lucius closed his eyes and stepped forward, away from the door. A locking spell was hissed and then the hands descended. The thin, claw-like fingers roamed his body, removing his robes and scratching his skin. "You're mine." Voldemort hissed, "There will never be anyone as pure as you and so, you are mine."

A red nail scratched over Lucius's pale chest, leaving a cut which bled slowly, red on white. The forked tongue lapped it up and then kissed Lucius's lips, allowing him a taste of his own blood. "Such pure blood," came the hiss. "My pure-blooded whore."

"Your pure-blooded whore." Lucius repeated, closing his eyes as Voldemort pushed him up against the wall.

Later, as Lucius lay sprawled across the floor in his study, cold, naked and alone, he cried. He hadn't cried for a long, long time but now it seemed, as he lay there in the dark, that the tears would never stop. "I am lost." He whispered to the silence, "I am lost."

* * *

Remus groaned as he awoke with a splitting headache to the sound of something tapping at his window. Grumbling he pushed himself out of his seat, spilling the fire-whisky as he did so. "Shit." He said, hurriedly mopping up the mess with the edge of his robes. However the tapping was insistent and so Remus had to give up his mopping to open the window.

When he did so a rather miffed looking owl flew in, deposited a letter and Remus's feet and flew off again, stopping only to give the tired man a glare.

With a sigh Remus reached down and picked up the letter, his pale fingers tearing open the envelope. With a sigh he leant against the wall to read it, it was from Sirius, the messy, round writing was a dead giveaway.

_Dear Remus,_

_I haven't seen you for ages, are you avoiding me? I know you've been drinking- Arthur told me, and Harry knows as well. We're all worried about you Remus, we hardly ever see you. Harry misses you._

_I miss you._

_I don't understand why you think you can't talk to me about things, I will always be here for you when you want me, you know that. Please Remus I need to see you. Come and visit us at Grimmauld place. I won't judge you._

_Yours,_

_Sirius _

Remus sighed and his amber eyes filled with tears, Sirius was so nice to him, why was he so nice after the way he had used him? Remus still felt sick about that, he remembered every second of it, including the moment when he had called Lucius's name, imagining it was the Slytherin buried inside him and not Sirius.

There was no way he could face Sirius in his current state, but how could he not go? If he didn't it was very likely that he would wake up with a very miffed Sirius, Molly and Arthur standing outside his door.

His head thumped insistently and Remus sighed. Pulling out his wand he performed a quick spell to clear his head. It was handy to know such a spell if you were in the habit of waking up with a hangover every morning. Tomorrow, he decided. Tomorrow he would go and visit Sirius. Just to be nice, exchange a few pleasantries, show them he was still alive. It was easy sometimes to pretend, to make others think you were okay while inside you were dying.

* * *

Lucius jabbed his quill angrily into the inkpot and then threw both across the floor. What was the matter with him? For years he had kept thoughts of Remus to the back of his mind, barely there. Only emerging in dreams or flashing unbidden during sex. And it was sex when you were willing wasn't it? Because it wasn't rape, Lucius was willing. No matter how much he wished it weren't true Lucius was willing and it was never rape. It was rape the first time. But after that, after Lucius had been used and broken it wasn't rape anymore.

A knock sounded at the door and his son, Draco stepped into the office, dressed in his school robes.

"I'm leaving for Hogwarts now Father." The boy said quietly; his eyes wide and grey under his white-blond fringe.

"What of it?" Lucius snapped, not looking up from his paperwork.

"Goodbye." Draco said, jutting his sharp chin in the air and walking out the room.

Lucius sighed and leant back in the chair, he didn't love his son and he knew that was a terrible think to admit. But how could he love a product of a marriage and life that he had been forced into? How could he love a product of evil? How could he love anything anymore?

(A/N) well there's the first chapter. What did you think? Good, bad, ugly, pretty???

REVIEW and tell me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	2. I've always been an introvert, happily b...

(A/N) Hello, someone suggested I change this story to an R rating and so I did. I hope nobody minds, it won't get too bad anyway. Well thanks to those who reviewed and please keep reviewing. It's nice to have feedback. So anyway here's the second chapter!!!

CHAPTER TWO: I've Always Been an Introvert, Happily Bleeding

Severus Snape stood in the foyer of the Malfoy mansion looking unusually worried. He had received an owl from Narcissa the day after Hogwarts had reopened after summer. Getting a little time off had been no problem, figuring out exactly what was wrong, had.

"He just won't come out! I don't understand it!" Narcissa's shrill voice echoed through his head. "Draco was the last one to see him."

Severus cocked his head and thought, Lucius was something of a mystery to him. He always had been, especially after, well after they had received the Dark Mark. For a long while now Lucius had been cold, closed off and devoid of feeling. He did only what his Master instructed, no more, no less. Severus had long ago given him up but it seemed, maybe, he hoped, that now the ice was starting to melt. Lucius was cracking.

"I'll go up." Severus said with a short smile. "I'm sure he's fine."

Narcissa sneered at him, tossing her blonde curls. "Well he'd better be; we have a dinner party tonight." With that she stalked off, her heels echoing through the empty halls.

Severus rolled his eyes and sighed, he could never live with Narcissa. He didn't know how Lucius put up with her. He didn't know how Lucius put up with a lot of things, things that Severus could hardly bear to think about.

With a heavy sigh he ascended the main staircase, his bony fingers gripping the black rails as he did so. He knew the way to Lucius's study like the back of his hand. He had been there so many times, for Death Eater meetings, to see Lucius or, rather, the ice statue that claimed to be the Lucius he had known all his life. Reaching out he knocked at the large wooden door.

"Lucius?" he called softly, an answer came in the form of something smashing against the door. Severus jumped back in alarm and tried again. "Lucius?"

"Fuck off!"

Severus shook his head, "I'm not going anywhere so you'd best let me in!"

When no reply came Severus tried the door, surprisingly it was unlocked and opened easily, creaking only a little. The room was dark as he entered, the heavy curtains drawn and all lights extinguished, only a few remaining flames flickered in the fireplace, illuminating a pale figure that sat hunched over the desk.

Severus approached with caution and touched the older man lightly on the head, feeling the long, silky hair shift under his fingers. "Fuck off." Lucius repeated, sitting up and shoving Severus backwards.

Glaring at the darker man Lucius picked up a half empty bottle of Fire-whisky and put it to his lips. He drained it like a fish, throwing the empty bottle against the wall where is smashed, showering sharp fragments of glass on the floor. Lucius smiled; a broken, insane smile before sinking to his knees and burying his face in his hands. A small, broken sob escaped his lips as Severus watched, shock written all over his dark face.

"Lucius?" Severus asked as he approached the man for the second time. When the smaller man gave no answer Severus knelt in front of him. Compassion in his black eyes he pulled Lucius's arms away from his face, revealing the silver eyes to be without tears.

"They're all gone." Lucius said. "I cried them all away last night."

Severus furrowed his brow, Lucius was cracking.

"I saw him yesterday, in a bookshop. Just standing there...he...he wanted the same book. I wanted him."

"Who?" Severus asked, bewildered.

"Remus!" Lucius spat, his hands reaching up to wipe at tears that had not fallen. "Remus, Remus, Remus." He whispered, "Remus."

Severus didn't know what to say, he couldn't think. Here was Lucius, showing some sort of emotion, more emotion than he had expressed in years and Severus didn't know how to help him.

"Why am I even thinking about him? Why can't I stop? Why is he still haunting me?"

Tearing his eyes away, Severus found his attention drawn to the Dark Mark that was etched deeply into the white skin of Lucius arm. The sleeve was torn away and the skin around the mark looked red and sore. "Lucius, what happened?" he asked.

Lucius froze and looked at him, his eyes widening as if he were a little boy been caught doing something bad. "I tried to scratch it out," he whispered. "I tried to be clean again but it didn't work. Please don't tell my Master."

Severus shook his head, "Lucius he isn't your Master. You're in charge of your own life."

At this statement Lucius laughed, not a little giggle but a full, head tilted back maniacal laugh that shook his whole body. "I'm his, his, HIS! I can't be anybody else's!"

"Voldemort's you mean?"

Lucius smirked and stood; unbuttoning his black silk shirt he smiled manically and said: "I am his, his pure-blooded whore."

Severus rose as well and came to stand behind the pale skinned man, pushing the long waves of white-gold hair over a pale shoulder; he stared in shock at Lucius's back. There, carved in scars that must have been painfully deep cuts was one word: Mine.

"You see?" Lucius murmured quietly, "I am his, Voldemort's property. I should not want Remus."

* * *

Remus smoothed his wavy hair nervously as he waited for someone to answer the door. He stood outside Sirius's family house in his best robes. Not that his best robes were much to shout about, ragged and patchy they screamed 'no money'. He had tied his hair back though, with a white bobble that he had purchased from the muggle Paper shop where he worked. A false smile sat on his face, ready to fool those who looked.

"Remus!" Molly said as she opened the door, a welcoming smile on her round face. "How are you? I haven't seen you for a while now, what- five months would it be?"

Remus nodded, the false smile still stretching his mouth in an expression he hadn't used for months. "I'm well," he lied. "And you?"

"Fine," Molly answered. "We're all fine but we've missed you so much, come in, come in. Arthur and Sirius are in the living room."

Reluctantly, Remus followed her round form down the hallway, passed the dreaded 'portrait' and into the living room. There, sitting on opposite sofas were Sirius and Arthur. As he looked at the black haired man Remus felt he could barely keep his smile up. Sirius's deep blue eyes bore into his own amber ones and Remus felt that Sirius could see right into his soul.

"Hello Remus!" Arthur said, looking over his copy of the Daily Prophet. "How have you been holding up?"

"Yes," Sirius repeated, concern etched into his features. "How have you been holding up...Remus?"

Remus opened his mouth, ready to say "Fine, life's good at the moment. How are you?" But no words came, instead his stomach gave a lurch and he stumbled backwards, their shocked looks registering in his mind before he stumbled out of the house and onto the busy street.

"Remus!" he heard Sirius run out of the house behind him. "Remus!" his friend called, following him down the street.

Remus walked quickly as the rain began to fall around them. The droplets fell quickly and heavily and Remus soon found himself standing by a bridge, soaked and cornered.

"Why are you running away?" Sirius asked, searching amber eyes. Remus opened his mouth, wanting to explain, wanting...something. But all that came out was a choked sob. Closing his eyes he buried his head in Sirius's worn leather jacket, another sob escaping his dry lips, cracked from smiling.

"Why do you keep running away?" Sirius murmured, his large hands winding their way into the honey and silver curls. "Stay here, stay with me Remus. I'll help you make it better. I will, I will."

Slowly, his teeth sinking through his bottom lip, Remus nodded against Sirius, "I'll stay," he whispered. "I'll stay."

Later, Sirius showed Remus to his room and closed the door behind him, leaving with words of "I'll come up later to check on you. Y'know, see if you want any dinner."

Remus took off his cloak and lay down on the comfortable looking mattress in his white shirt and jeans; sighing he pulled the white and blue patterned covers over his body and lay on his back, amber eyes staring up at the ceiling.

Maybe Sirius could help him, he thought. Maybe Sirius could help him forget silver eyes and white-gold hair and pale skin, soft as silk. If he stayed here, in this house with Sirius, and never left it, then he would never have to see Lucius Malfoy again and he would always have Sirius to look after him.

But Remus knew that he had no right to let Sirius take care of him. He had used Sirius in one of the worst ways possible and he had never apologized, he just couldn't bring himself to say the words: "I'm sorry."

Shifting uneasily in the warm sheets Remus turned to face the window and closed his eyes on sun.

Even the sun had lost its colour now.

In his dream Remus stood on a small, grey, stone bridge that overlooked a calm and peaceful river. The day was clear and the sky overhead was blue and cloudless, almost too blue. The grass and trees looked pale against it. The light breeze caressed Remus's skin, playing with his hair and tugging at his robes.

White blossom petals fell down around him, swirling at his ankles, landing gently in his honey and silver curls. Remus took a deep breath and inhaled the air around him, it smelled clean, of grass and rain and other sweet things. In the distance he could hear singing, it sounded beautiful but what it came from Remus had no idea. Suddenly his ears pricked up, the song was one of death, no suicide....drowning.

Remus felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up and slowly, tentatively he looked over the edge of the bridge.

There, floating in the cool, blue waters of the river was the snow-white body of Lucius Malfoy. His white-gold hair spread, mermaid-like about him and his silver eyes wide and staring, open in death. The white blossoms floated in the water about him along with other petals from roses, bluebells and lilies.

Silently Remus felt the tears begin to fall, through the haze of his tears the world around him seemed to melt together and as he looked at Lucius's body the dead man seemed to mouth the words: "I need you."

Remus awoke to find wet tearstains on his cheeks and he almost cried again as he recalled the dream and the horrible sinking feeling he had felt when he had looked over the bridge.

What if the dream foretold something? Remus didn't want to think about that, if Lucius died, he didn't know what he would do. He would die too.

What if Lucius really did need him? He knew he needed Lucius, needed him more than anything else. Lucius was the only thing he had ever wanted, the only thing he had ever asked for and God had seen fit to tear them apart. Maybe it was because he was cursed, maybe that was the reason he didn't have Lucius, because he didn't deserve him.

"I need you too." Remus whispered to the dark and empty room, secretly hoping that, wherever he was, Lucius would hear him.

* * *

"Remus?" Sirius asked, his large hand brushing a honey curl from the sleeping man's head.

When no answer came, no stir showing that the smaller man was waking up, Sirius sighed and sat down on the wicker chair beside the bed. Remus turned a little in his sleep and wrapped the covers tighter around his thin body.

Sirius smiled and closed his own eyes; he would help Remus, even if Remus didn't want it.

(A/N) okay, there we go- second chapter. Please review and tell me what you thought.


	3. I've Been Drowning without you

(A/N) Third chapter!!! Yey!!! Okay so, I know that most of my stories tend to be a little depressing. I try not to let them get like that but it seems that that's the only way I can write them. It's not like I'm actually depressed or anything, I just find it easier to write than having all happy endings and stuff cos I can never get my happy ending to seem 'real'. Anyways, I listen to a lot of music while I write and for this story I've mostly been listening to Placebo. I love Brian. Anyway, so please read and review!!!! I hope you enjoy it!!!

………………………………………………………………………………………………

CHAPTER THREE: I've Been Drowning Without You

Sirius paused outside the door of the room where Remus was sleeping as he made his way down for breakfast. No sound was coming from the little room so Sirius continued on, imagining Remus to be still asleep.

Remus, however, was not asleep. He sat on the edge of the old bed, holding the ratty grey mattress in two pale hands, his fingers smoothing out the rough material. He sighed and closed his glassy amber eyes- letting a small tear slip silently down his cheek. He wasn't sure why he was crying, but the dream had affected him badly. He wanted, no, needed to see Lucius again to make sure the other man was alright. Remus thought he had seen, that day in the bookshop, an emotion in Lucius's eyes that looked almost like hope, hope or….love? But he couldn't be sure and he couldn't forget the way Lucius had treated him before. Why did he spend so much time thinking about a man who he was pretty sure never thought about him.

With a deep sigh Remus stood up and stretched, his arms reaching way above his head. He tied his unruly silver-honey hair back and padded out of the room, still in his clothes from the day before. He would have a shower after breakfast.

As he approached the kitchen he could hear the comforting noise of early morning chatter as Sirius and Arthur discussed the morning's issue of the Daily Prophet. Molly pottered about behind them, pouring the coffee and making the toast.

Remus smiled and sank into an old wooden chair across from Sirius who gave him a wide smile.

"How are you feeling?" Sirius asked, his dark blue eyes looking more serious than the rest of his handsome face.

Remus smiled tentatively and nodded. "Fine." He said.

Molly tutted as she poured some hot coffee into his white china mug, "You need some more sleep." She said. "It would do you a world of good. Wouldn't it Arthur?"

"Hmmm?" asked the aforementioned Arthur from behind his newspaper.

"Sleep, do him a world of good wouldn't it?" Molly repeated with a small frown on her careworn face.

Arthur's serious blue eyes studied Remus's pale face for a moment before he replied. "Yes, sleep and other forms of rest. You need to take some time off Lupin."

Remus smirked sadly and sipped his coffee. "Time off from what?" he asked bitterly.

"Life." Sirius said with a small smile. "Life, or whatever it is that plagues you."

Remus gulped his coffee and burnt his tongue.

>>>>>>

Severus opened the thick green curtains about a centimetre and looked out onto the world below. The lawns of Malfoy Manor were covered in early morning dew and the trees and flowers glinted lightly in the cold sunlight. Severus took a deep breath and pulled the curtain all the way open.

"What the fuck was that for?" Lucius asked from the sofa behind him.

Severus turned to see the white-gold haired man frowning at him. The bright light highlighted just how pale and weak Lucius Malfoy really looked. His wide silver eyes looked dull grey to the world. Severus longed for their old sparkle. If he could go back in time he would, go back and warn Lucius of the port key's whereabouts.

"You have work." Severus said rather roughly, tossing Lucius his black shirt.

"I know." Lucius replied, glowering at the other man. "Don't order me about, Snape." He spat.

He pulled the shirt on angrily and marched toward the door.

"Lucius, wait." Severus said, his arm stretching out toward the smaller man

Lucius turned slowly, his hands shaking and his head bowed. Slowly he looked up at Severus through wide eyes that were rimmed red with tears. "I have waited too long Severus." He whispered with an almost deathly seriousness. "I waited to long for help that never came. I can't wait anymore." With that he walked out of the study and away from Severus who stood watching him leave, a look of pain in his obsidian eyes.

Suddenly a sort of panic overtook him. "Lucius!" he cried, rushing out into the hall. "Lucius, what are you going to do?" he screamed. However, the hallway was empty; Lucius was nowhere to be seen.

Severus stood rather stupidly for a moment, his eyes searching desperately for any sign of the silver eyed man. He now feared that Lucius would do the worst thing possible. There had been something in Lucius's tone, something in his eyes that had told Severus so.

Slowly Severus retreated back into the study, his eyes clouded beneath his dark hair. He was at a loss at what to do. How in the world could he possibly help Lucius? There seemed to be no solution to the blonde haired man's problems.

>>>>>>>

Remus stood outside Flourish and Blotts as Molly went in to buy a new edition of 'Guilderoy Lockhart's guide to Household Pests'. She had lost the old one in a freak fire caused by one of Fred and George's experiments.

Remus had agreed to go shopping with her, hoping that the warm, talkative company would help keep his mind off of, well…Lucius.

So far it hadn't worked. Although he was enjoying Molly's company Remus just couldn't seem to focus. Everywhere he looked he saw Lucius, every voice he heard seemed to mirror the sharp English drawl. Remus was completely and hopelessly drowning in his memories.

Remus sighed and checked his watch- Molly had been gone for over ten minutes now and he was getting a little impatient. Just then a flurry of movement caught his attention.

The crowd parted in the street ahead and a slim, pale figure walked quickly through. Remus's breath caught in his throat as he took in the long white-gold hair that fell over a pale and delicate face. Two silver eyes flickered up to meet his own amber ones and time stood still.

Remus felt his heart in his throat, tears threatened at the corner of his eyes but he did not blink them away- afraid that if he did Lucius would disappear. It was as if everything else had faded to black- all he could see was Lucius, shining like a light in the darkness. He watched as Lucius's eyes swam with emotion, his pale lips parted and mouthed the word 'Remus'. Then he looked away, his long silky hair covering his face. Remus suddenly felt that he could breathe again and he did- inhaling the sharp city air.

In front of him Lucius began to move again, his plain black robes flying out as he pushed past Remus.

"Wait." Remus cried quietly, desperately, as he reached out an arm, his long fingers brushing against the cool material of the other man's cloak.

Lucius made no acknowledgement that he had heard him, instead he continued on down the alley, not looking back.

Suddenly his entire past flashed before Remus's eyes and in it he saw only Lucius. In his future he saw nothing- but he wanted something. He wanted to look into a future of silky white-gold hair and piercing silver eyes, a future where he could have Lucius- and be happy. A future that maybe could be realised; he had to follow Lucius.

Remus walked quickly- following Lucius's fast moving figure through the crowds. Behind him, at the door of Flourish and Blotts, Molly Weasley stood watching him walk away- an unfathomable expression on her friendly face.

Remus pushed his way through what seemed like thousands of bodies- all unwilling to move for him and yet they seemed to part like the red sea for Lucius. Panicking he quickened his step and called again "Wait!"

Lucius's back seemed to stiffen at the sound of his voice but nevertheless he kept on moving- walking faster and further away.

Finally Remus broke into a run and caught up with the other man, his fingers wrapping around Lucius's cloak as he spun him around until they were face to face. Silver and amber met and their gazes locked, caught again in painful memories and tentative hopes.

"Lucius." Remus whispered.

"What do you want Lupin?" Lucius spat- his silver eyes glazing over and turning cold, a sneer marring his perfect face.

Remus blinked at the hatred in the other man's voice and his words faltered slightly but he did not give up. He was almost certain that he had seen love in the silver depths and he would not let that go. "Can we talk?" he asked quietly but forcefully.

Lucius's sharp eyes looked him up and down- taking in Remus's straggly honey and silver hair and his grey second-hand robes. "We have nothing to discuss. Werewolf." He hissed before pushing past Remus once more.

Blindly Remus reached out and turned Lucius around once more- his hands gripping the black fabric tightly.

Sneering, Lucius spat in Remus's face, "You are nothing to me." He said forcefully, at Remus's expression his silver eyes flickered slightly. "I….I need only my master." He looked painfully into Remus's eyes, a lost and lonely look on his pale face. "I don't….I don't need you anymore."

Remus's hand slipped from the dark robes and Lucius spun away- practically running from the amber eyed man. Remus covered his eyes with his hand and leant back against the wall of Fortesque's Ice Cream parlour, he felt so weak all of a sudden. A few moments later he felt a warm arm wrap around his and he heard Molly's kind voice whispering to him as she pulled him to his feet. Slowly they walked down the alley- making the long journey back home.

>>>>>>>

Lucius slammed the door of his office in the Ministry of Magic and threw his cloak on the floor. Angry tears made their way down his face and he hastily tried to brush them away. Remus's shocked face swam before his eyes and he let out a small scream of rage. There was no use in thinking about the man- he could never have him as long as he was alive, because as long as he lived Lucius would belong to Voldemort. But he could never have Remus once he was dead either, because Lucius was pretty sure he would be going to hell and there was no chance he would ever meet someone like Remus there. He didn't deserve someone as good as Remus, and that was why Lucius knew he must die- for death would be better than the hell he lived in on earth.

With an angry cry Lucius knocked a table lamp violently from its place on his desk. Hot tears fell from his eyes as he caught his own reflection in the circular wall mirror. Pathetic- he thought- you're pathetic.

(A/N) sorry this one took so long- I had very bad case of writers block. However I shouldn't take so long on the next one. So anyway- please review!!!!!


	4. You're Only coming through in waves

(A/N)Okay- fourth chapter! Thanks so much to the nice people that review- I know I say this in like every update but please do review- it boosts my confidence as I am applying for creative writing and English teaching courses at Uni. Anyway please enjoy the story and REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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CHAPTER FOUR: You're Only Coming Through in Waves

Sirius shifted the frying pan a little and then placed it back down, watching in satisfaction as the bacon sizzled noisily. Molly had brought Remus home around an hour ago. His friend had been pale and shaking- his amber eyes wide and sad. Sirius had sent him upstairs with a cup of tea and Molly's instruction to get some sleep.

It had been a mistake taking him to Diagon Alley- there was always a chance that Malfoy would be there. He wanted to help Remus forget his painful past, not shove it back in his face.

Sighing he turned the temperature down and the bacon spat a little in protest. It was bacon sandwiches for dinner that night- Molly was watching Remus and Arthur wouldn't be back until late and so it was left to Sirius to make dinner, and Sirius's cooking skills weren't that great.

"Sirius, is dinner ready?" Molly shouted from up the stairs and Sirius heard a small creak as she moved across the landing to hear his answer.

"Nearly!" he shouted up- pushing his thick black hair out of his way as he moved to butter three soft white rolls. He was making one for Remus as well, after all the smaller man could do with some nourishment.

The butter spread smoothly, coating the soft bread in a golden-yellow. Putting the knife in the sink he turned off the gas and lifted the bacon into the rolls. Placing them on a tray he walked gingerly out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

"Coming now!" he called out and Molly appeared at the door of the room Remus was staying in- holding it open as he entered. "Hey." He said as his blue eyes took in the pale figure huddled in blankets on the bed- messy honey and sliver hair spread about his shoulders.

Remus smiled wanly and sat up as Sirius placed the tray down on the bed. "Thank you." He said hoarsely. Molly smiled affectionately at him and sat down beside the bed, resuming her knitting. From what Sirius could see she was creating another jumper for Ron- or perhaps Remus, the giant yellow R could mean either.

Smiling, he handed Remus his bacon sandwich. The other man took it, nibbling cautiously at the edges.

"It's not poisoned." Sirius said gently, taking a large bite of his as if to reassure Remus. The amber eyed man laughed quietly and took a bigger bite- his large eyes never leaving Sirius's expressive face. "How are you feeling?" Sirius asked.

Remus closed his eyes slowly- as if in pain and then opened them again. "Okay." He answered in a small voice. Sirius nodded- not believing him at all. Sometime soon he was going to have to talk to Remus and he didn't want to leave it too late- he was afraid to.

>>>>>>>

The bare light bulb on the ceiling flickered for a few moments- casting its pale yellow light in shadows about the room- before flashing angrily and then plunging the room into darkness.

There in the dark, on the black leather seat behind the empty desk sat Lucius Malfoy- his white-gold hair spilling over the dark wood of the desk as he rested his head in his slim hands. When the light bulb flickered out he made no movement, even when a slim brunette secretary poked her head into his office to remind him that the Ministry did close after six he simply sat there, his silver eyes closed. In all outer appearances he may as well have been dead.

As a matter of fact he was not dead- he was drunk. Around three empty bottles of Fire-whisky were carefully concealed in an otherwise empty desk, hidden in case Fudge ever decided to pay him a visit. Not that Fudge would be able to do anything about it- he was terrified of Lucius. He just didn't want the word getting around that he liked a lot of drink now and again, not now and again- but now and again and again and again.

Lucius let out a long-suffering groan as he drunkenly tried to swat away the image that seemed to be imprinted in front of his eyes. Staggering to his feet he accidentally knocked over the chair, "Fuck." He swore- looking groggily at the fallen object. Deciding that trying to pick it up would be too risky Lucius pulled on his cloak and stepped outside his office- preparing to take the Knight Bus home- after all he was in no state to either floo or apparate, Lord knows what would happen if he did.

By the time he had reached Malfoy Manor however he felt decidedly sick. The bumpy, jolting ride of the Knight Bus was not a good thing for someone who was heavily drunk. Sighing and clutching his stomach in a way that he would never allow himself to do had he been sober, he made his way up to the house.

As he reached the large, imposing front doors they swung open to allow him entry- recognising immediately the Malfoy blood. Lucius groaned again as he saw Narcissa, her arms folded, standing in the grand hallway, tapping her foot on the marble floor.

"What happened to you?" she snapped, her pale blue eyes narrowed more than normal.

"None of your business." Lucius spat, pushing his way past her. Narcissa reeled backwards and glared at him as he passed. All Lucius could think of was getting to bed- he had a splitting headache and he was sure he was going to throw up his entire stomach.

"Severus left." Narcissa called as he ascended the stairs- Lucius ignored her. "I don't know what your problem is Lucius," she hissed. "But I am your wife and I expect to be treated with respect."

Lucius swallowed painfully and stumbled a little as he reached the second floor. Without a backward glance he continued on to his bedroom which he did not share with Narcissa.

Closing the door with a relieved sigh Lucius then proceeded to strip and change into his black pyjama bottoms. Groggily he splashed his face with water from a bowl in the room and his vision cleared a little. Looking in the mirror he stared at his pale and still reflection and frowned. His fingers traced the Dark Mark on his arm and a shiver shot through him making his thin body tremble.

Slowly an icy tear slipped its way down his cheek and Lucius sighed- the delicate noise echoing in the silence of his bedroom.

"Beautiful." A voice hissed from the darkness.

Lucius stiffened and turned around slowly his silver eyes peering into the blackness with a growing dread. Suddenly he felt all too sober.

"Who…who's there?" he asked quietly.

A small laugh sounded and Voldemort slipped out of the shadows, winding his way towards Lucius. "Honestly Lucius, who else would it be?" he hissed, a cold- almost reptilian finger wiping away Lucius's tear.

"Who else?" Lucius repeated softly, his head bowed he walked over to the bed and lay down, his silver eyes looking anywhere but at Voldemort.

The Dark Lord loomed over him, his red eyes glowing and a forked tongue slithering out to lick at cracked lips. Lucius whimpered slightly and closed his eyes as he felt the serpent tongue lick the side of his face.

"Who else…." He whispered.

>>>>>>

Severus paced the length of his office at Hogwarts, his sallow fingers rubbing absently at his temples. Lucius had gone to work that day- Melinda the secretary had confirmed that- however, she had also told Severus of several bangs and crashes that she had heard coming from Lucius's office.

He had no idea what to do, going to Dumbledore wouldn't help. Lucius was a Death Eater- even if that position had been forced upon him- and Severus didn't see Lucius offering to turn to the good side, so there was no chance of Dumbledore's help.

Maybe, he thought, just maybe it would be a good idea to arrange a meeting between Lucius and Remus. A meeting could help them both. They could find redemption in each other and maybe find a future- or at least- bury their past once and for all.

However, he did not think that Lucius would submit to this meeting willingly and he had no idea of Remus's feelings. Maybe, maybe he could talk to Sirius. That would be hard for him, Severus hated the other black-haired man with a fiery vengeance, but he would do anything for Lucius- that hadn't changed and never would.

If he had to sacrifice something to make Lucius smile again then he would. He would walk over hot coals to stop Lucius from doing what he was sure he was planning to do.

(A/N) okay- so I realise that chapter was shorter than most but at least it was a quick update! Anyways- review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	5. It's only your shadow, nobody else

(A/N) Hello!! Fifth chapter! I'm not sure how long this story will be- it depends on what direction I choose to take it in. At the moment I have three endings- the hugely depressing ending- the moderately depressing ending- and the rather happy but still depressing ending. Heh- tough choice. But in the end it will be whatever I feel fits right.

Anyway- as I say every time- enjoy the story and please take time to review!!!!!(Reviews make me smile:-)

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CHAPTER FIVE: It's Only Your Shadow, Nobody Else

Remus awoke with a loud yawn, stretching his thin arms out; he sat up and eased himself up from the bed. A red dressing gown had been hung on the door for him and he slipped it over his pyjamas and headed out the door. He could hear the early morning chatting over breakfast coming from the kitchen and he headed down, pausing to look out of the window that let in light on the landing.

It was raining outside- not heavily- but a nice misty sort of rain that felt good on your skin. Remus half smiled as he watched a muggle family outside sending their children to school. Remus had never had that- that normality- something had always been different about him- his lycanthropy, his shyness, Lucius- Remus bit his lip at that thought. Why did he have to remember? Why did he have to fall in love and why couldn't he have at least fallen in love with someone else? Someone that wouldn't make his life miserable, someone like Sirius, but he could never love Sirius and the reason was simple- because he loved Lucius and always would. Plus he had, well- taken advantage- of Sirius, and he could never forgive himself for that.

Suddenly Remus didn't really feel like going down to breakfast anymore. With a sigh he turned on his heel and headed back to his room- shutting the door tight behind him.

He sat on the edge of the bed, playing with the frayed red sleeve of the dressing gown. The morning sun shone through the half closed curtains, paler this morning because of the rain.

Remus felt empty- he felt like he wanted to do something, but there was nothing to do- he felt like he wanted to scream, but that would bring Sirius and Molly up to the room. He didn't want to make them any more concerned about him than they already were. No matter what he did he could not stop thinking about Lucius Malfoy. Every thought seemed to lead back to the silver eyed man.

Remus really wanted a drink- but he had left all his Fire-whisky at home, and even if he could go and get it he didn't think there was much left anyway. Sirius probably had some somewhere; after all, the black haired man had his own share of problems- Remus however, was not about to go and ask him for some.

Angrily he flopped backwards to lie down on the bed, closing his eyes he came face to face with pale white skin and white-gold hair. Remus gave a little, soft scream and opened them again, "Why?" he asked quietly, his fingers clenching in the bed-sheets.

Somewhere outside a dog barked and at the same time Sirius shouted up the stairs "Remus? Are you coming down for breakfast?"

Remus sighed and tied his hair back, making himself more presentable. He really should get it cut, but what was the point?

"Coming!" he called- plastering a smile on his face and heading down the rickety stairs.

>>>>>>>>

Sirius opened the door of the living room carrying a cup of tea in his hand. Remus sat on a ratty sofa reading an old copy of the Daily Prophet that Molly hadn't managed to throw out yet. "Hey," he said softly as Remus looked up- his amber eyes questioning.

He sat across from Remus at the other sofa and placed the tea down on the coffee table. "I made you a drink." He said, "Molly's gone shopping- she won't be back for a few hours."

Remus studied him for a moment and then placed the newspaper down on the floor and turned to face Sirius fully. "What is it?" he asked.

Sirius smiled at him, "Remus, I just want to say that…..well, I'm here."

Remus looked slightly puzzled and so Sirius continued, "I'm here; I'm here for you Remus. I want you to talk to me, whatever you have to say I won't judge you. You're the only one I have left and you're so important to me so when I see you like this I want to help you, in anyway I can."

Remus smiled tremblingly, a small tear slipping quickly down his face. As if embarrassed he looked down at the floor- turning his head away from Sirius. "How can you say that?" he asked shakily- still looking away. "How can you say that?" he turned back to face Sirius, his amber eyes full of pain and self-disgust. "How can you say that when I……when I did that……when I did that to you."

Sirius sighed. "Remus I forgive you for that, but it doesn't matter if I forgive you. You have to forgive yourself- I want you to forgive yourself. Don't worry about that anymore."

Remus's pale face crumpled completely, "I can't….I can't forgive myself, Sirius….I, I'm so sorry." He said- his head bowed sadly.

"Remus," Sirius said hopelessly. "Remus….your tea is getting cold."

There was silence and then a little sniffle of laughter came from under the honey and silver hair. Remus looked up, a little smile tugging at his lips, "I had better drink it then huh?" he asked.

"Yes." Sirius said seriously, "But Remus, even if you didn't drink it, I wouldn't mind because it was my choice to give it to you- it was always my choice."

Remus stared at him- his amber eyes wide and almost smiling. "I know- thank you." He said softly.

"It's alright now." Sirius said. "I forgive you, so please forgive yourself."

Remus nodded and took a sip of the lukewarm tea. "I'll try."

"Now, will you let me help you?" Sirius asked- his blue eyes sympathetic and caring.

Remus placed the tea back down on the table and looked up at the dark haired man, his eyes desperate and hopeful. "Sirius, if you want to help me. If you want to help me then keep me away from Lucius Malfoy. I need to forget him, if I don't I think I'll go insane."

Sirius started as if to say something but Remus shook his head. "He's everywhere Sirius. Everywhere I look he's all I see. I feel hollow without him and lost when I see him. I need to forget him."

>>>>>>>

Severus Snape stood outside the door of Sirius's family house looking rather unhappy. He could not believe he was actually there- but, whatever he thought would help Lucius Severus would do. Grimacing he knocked at the large black door.

No answer came for a few minutes and Severus prepared to turn away, convinced no one was in. Just as he was descending the front steps the door opened. There- looking slightly puzzled as to what Severus Snape was doing on his doorstep- was Sirius Black, his deep blue eyes questioning.

"Good afternoon Black." Snape said stiffly, managing to contain his hatred. "May I come in?"

Sirius stared at him for a moment. Molly was still out and Remus had gone upstairs to sleep. "I suppose so." He answered finally, stepping aside to let the other man in.

Wordlessly he showed Severus into the living room and shut the door behind them.

"Nice house." Severus remarked, his upper lip curling slightly.

Sirius glared at him, "Look, Snivellus, did you just come here to insult my house or is there something else you want?"

Severus sighed- he hated Sirius, the very presence of the other man in the room made his skin crawl. But he had no choice- it was for Lucius- that was what he had to keep in his mind.

"Don't call me that." He snapped. "I'm here to discuss Lupin."

Immediately Sirius's face became closed and suspicious. "What about him?" he asked defensively.

Obsidian eyes stared into blue for a long moment and then Severus continued, pacing the length of the untidy room as he did so. "Well actually, the one I am concerned about is Lucius."

At the mention of the blonde man's name Sirius made a scoffing noise. Severus glared angrily at him. "I'm really very concerned about him. He's well….you don't really need to be told the details, but I feel it would be maybe best for the both of them if they could meet. Talk about things or at least just end it finally. All I know is that whatever it is they still have between them, it's driving Lucius insane- I don't know about Remus but surely he's the same."

Sirius scowled at him and pushed Severus out of the living room- he opened the front door and the Potions Professor stepped onto the front steps. "You're right." Sirius said, leaning against the door frame. "You don't know about Remus. You say Lucius is going insane? Fine- I don't care- let him rot. But Remus? He's stronger than that; he'll be fine as long as he never sees Lucius Malfoy again."

Severus glared angrily. "How do you know?" he hissed.

"He told me. He told me that the only way to help him was to keep that slimy bastard out of his sight."

Severus shook his head, "If you believe that you're even stupider than I realised." He spat before turning and making his way down the peeling white painted steps and away from Sirius.

Sirius stood dumbly for a moment in the doorway- his whole body shaking with anger. How dare he? How dare Snape presume to tell him that he was wrong about Remus's feelings? Sirius was Remus's best friend not Snape- what did he know about anything?

"You're wrong!" he shouted angrily at Snape's retreating figure.

No answer came and Sirius made an angry growl, glaring at no one in particular he retreated into the house and slammed the front door loudly.

>>>>>>>

The curtains were still drawn in Lucius's bedroom- even though it was two o'clock in the afternoon he was still in bed. He lay on top of the covers- cold and shivering even though all the fires in the house had been lit early that morning by the house elves. Narcissa had been up- standing outside his door and shouting at him about work but Lucius had not even heard her.

His silver eyes stared wide and glassy up at the ceiling- he hadn't moved since Voldemort had left him at around three o'clock that morning. He looked like a statue or a waxwork- his skin as pale and cold as marble. "Remus." He mouthed quietly. He could smell Remus's scent, he could see his eyes and his hair and the whole of him in his mind's eye.

There he was, Remus, reaching over the bed to stroke away a stray blonde hair from Lucius's face. Smiling, Lucius extended a pale hand- reaching to touch Remus's smiling face.

But there was nothing there- only the shadows- the shadows of the past. Lucius whimpered and curled up into a ball, exposing the scars on his back that spelled out 'Mine'. "Remus." He whispered.

Why had this happened? He had continued for years pretending that everything was fine and then Remus had walked back into his life and every wall had fallen, every window had shattered.

Lucius let out another pathetic whimper and turned over slowly- reaching for the drawer beside his bed. It opened with a little creak and Lucius sat up to pull out a small, silver knife.

Staring into the darkness with wide, sad eyes Lucius raised the knife to his wrist. "Remus." He said, his voice shaking a little. "Remus I'm sorry- I love you- I always did and I always will. I just can't go on with this; I can't go on being Voldemort's, well…. It's too late anyway isn't it? I'm sorry."

Slowly he sunk the sharp blade into his wrist, his pale face showing no signs of pain. Instead a small, almost happy smile graced his lips as his eyelids fluttered closed. He dragged the knife across and sighed as the blood flowed down his hand. He moved the knife across to his other wrist and smiled widely as the blood flowed. The silver knife clattered to the floor as he fell back onto the white silk sheets. His arms spread out wide he looked like an angel- his wings created by the blood that soaked into the white silk.

Somewhere, deep in the recesses of his mind Lucius was dreaming. He was standing on a bridge looking over into a river. Slowly as his eyes became accustomed to the sun he made out the figure staring up at him from its watery grave.

It was himself, arms spread out, hair floating around his face and white blossom petals creating a halo around his head. His own silver eyes called to him, pulling him in. With a sigh Lucius stepped forward and found himself falling, floating down to join his own body in the water below. Somewhere in the distance he heard his name being shouted- it was Remus's voice- Lucius smiled as he hit the water. It was too late now.

(A/N) Okay- there we go- don't worry that is not the end! Please review!!!!!


	6. Too many years spent fighting back tears

(A/N) Hello!!! Sixth chapter! Thanks sooo much to you guys for your reviews- they really mean a lot. Sorry that this chapter took so long, it was really hard to write but as the story draws to a close over the next few chapters I would really appreciate reviews from everyone who reads this. Thanks a lot!

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CHAPTER SIX: Too Many Years Spent Fighting Back Tears

The next morning Remus Lupin woke up with a little smile on his face. He didn't know why but he felt rather fresh and wide awake- ready to face the day and try to get on with his life.

He hummed to himself as he went in the shower- taking time to wash his hair with….Herbal Essences? Shrugging, Remus poured some of the gooey liquid into his palm and massaged it into his long hair. He could hear the rest of the house stirring and Molly calling for breakfast. It was days like these- days when he woke up with a smile- that, though they were few, made him happy to be alive.

Molly smiled at him as he entered the kitchen and sat down at the table. "Morning Remus." She said, passing him a plate of eggs and bacon.

"Morning." He said.

Arthur popped his head in the kitchen, "Well, I'll be off then." He said, tipping his hat to Molly and nodding politely at Remus.

"Have a nice day dear." Molly said, pausing in her chores to give her husband a peck on the cheek.

Arthur smiled and headed out the front door, whistling a happy tune to himself. Remus smiled into his coffee and was suddenly overcome with an indescribable urge to giggle- which he did.

Molly looked at him a little suspiciously. "Nice to see you're feeling better this morning." She said.

Remus just smiled and took a sip of the coffee. He wasn't sure the cause of his good mood. Maybe it was because of his talk with Sirius the previous day. Sirius's forgiveness had done him a world of good- maybe he wasn't quite ready to forgive himself yet, but he was on his way. As for Lucius, well, what could he do now? Keeping out of the Blonde man's way was his best bet- if only to retain some of his sanity.

Just then Sirius walked in- his expression as dark as a thundercloud. He sat down roughly, slamming his cutlery about.

"Sirius?" Remus asked, concern written in his amber eyes.

Angry blue eyes met his and Sirius said nothing, just sipped his coffee. "SHIT!" he cried, spitting the drink out.

"Too hot?" Molly asked with a smile on her face.

Sirius glared at her. "It's fine." He was still annoyed about Snape's visit the day before. He had spent all night thinking about what the black-eyed man had said and he had to admit- some of it did make sense. Was there something Remus wasn't telling him? Would it be better to let Remus and Lucius meet? If only to bring everything to an end.

>>>>>>>

Severus Snape walked up to the large doors of Malfoy Manor. Lucius hadn't been into work for two days and he had come to investigate. It was Saturday so he had nothing to be done at Hogwarts- besides he was awfully concerned about his friend.

He knocked on the door and listened as the sound echoed throughout the great house. Finally a butler answered and Severus asked for Lucius. The butler's thin face took on a sour look and he shouted for Narcissa.

After a few moments she came into view, an irritated expression on her porcelain face. "What?" she snapped.

"I'm here to see Lucius." Severus said, raising a black eyebrow. "Is he here?"

Narcissa sighed and looked at her nails- each perfectly polished. "He's in St Mungo's." she said rather absently.

If she noticed that Severus's expression was one of pure shock and horror she didn't say anything. "You can visit him there- and tell him that I am very annoyed."

Severus's brain struggled to process everything she was saying. "St Mungo's?" he asked. "Draco didn't mention it."

Narcissa snorted and tossed her blonde waves. "Him? I did not inform Draco of his Father's situation. I didn't feel that he needed to know how pathetic Lucius really is. Honestly- slicing his own wrists open. I don't know what came over him. It's disgraceful."

Severus forced his mouth into a sharp smile. "I understand." He said shortly, giving a rather stiff bow before leaving. He shuddered as the heavy doors swung shut behind him.

St Mungo's? He couldn't believe that Lucius had actually done it- he had had his suspicions that he would but…..sighing rather sadly Severus apparated.

>>>>>>>

Remus stretched and then stood up. Sirius was in the shower and the post owl had just arrived with that morning's edition of the Daily Prophet. Picking the rather creased paper up he thanked the owl and then sat down to read it.

Most of the articles were rather boring- there was something on the missing 'criminal' Sirius Black. A muggle swore she had spotted him at a dance club in London. Remus smiled softly to himself, he wouldn't be surprised if that were true, he would have to ask Sirius later. Another story centred on the break up of a popular wizard band- the 'Wicked Witches'.

He turned the pages slowly, smiling at some of the more funny moving pictures- finally his eyes stopped. There, staring back at him with cold silver eyes was a picture of Lucius Malfoy. His breath caught in his through he began to read the article- written by Rita Skeeter.

Narcissa Malfoy- well known socialite has been trying to hush this story up but I- Rita Skeeter of the Daily Prophet have taken it upon myself to bring it into the eyes of the wizarding public. Ministry worker Lucius Malfoy was found in his bedroom at precisely 4:00 pm yesterday afternoon, unconscious and soaked in blood. A small silver knife was found near his body- apparently he cut open his own wrists in a suicide attempt. Now this reporter finds herself asking- why would such a well off man- both in money and family- want to kill himself? What could drive him to take such drastic measures- such measures that would send him straight to St Mungo's where he now lies?

Remus stopped reading and dropped the paper in shock. Lucius had…why would he do such a thing? Even Remus could never bring himself to do such a thing. Maybe Lucius really did need him, no matter what he pretended on the outside.

Scrambling to his feet Remus grabbed a long black coat that belonged to Sirius. It was slightly too big for him but that didn't matter. "I'm going out!" he shouted up the stairs- glad that Sirius was in the shower and wouldn't be able to come after him.

>>>>>>>

Without a backward glance he stepped out onto the front steps and shut the door tight behind him.

Severus Snape looked sad as he sat by Lucius Malfoy's bedside. This was an unusual expression for Severus, usually he tried not to care for people- it was most likely a waste of time as they usually hurt you in some way. However, he could not help but care for Lucius- Lucius who had lost so much, and changed so much and yet had not changed at all really. Severus allowed himself a small smile as the silver eyes of the man lying on the bed flickered open and blinked at him groggily.

"Severus." Lucius whispered hoarsely. "You're here….what?"

Severus looked at the paler man with a serious expression. "What did you think you were doing Lucius?" he asked, it was rare that he had the authority in the situation but for the moment Lucius was too weak to care.

Lucius sighed and held his bandaged wrists up to inspect them. "I don't know Severus. It just all got too much. It's all too…." He trailed off, his silver eyes looking pleadingly at Severus as his arms flopped back down onto the white sheets.

"We cannot get rid of Voldemort." Severus said sadly and Lucius nodded.

"I know."

Severus sighed rather dejectedly.

"I thought I was dying Severus." Lucius began, his white-gold hair spread out over the pillow. "I saw myself- I was dead and as I saw it I realised that I didn't want to die. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live like this either."

>>>>>>>

Remus all but skidded into the waiting room of St Mungo's, his honey and sliver hair flying loose and Sirius's coat billowing about his legs.

"I'm here to see Malfoy." He told the young receptionist. "Lucius Malfoy."

"Are you family?" she asked, snapping her gum.

Remus smiled rather crookedly, "No, I just…I'm his. Well he's important to me. Please, I need to see him."

The receptionist looked at him sceptically for a moment before nodding. "Alright- he's rich so he's got a private room. Number six on the third floor."

Remus smiled brightly and he took off, running toward the stairs.

"No running!" the receptionist called after him.

Remus, however, did not hear her- he had to see Lucius. He had to know if he was alright, that was all that mattered. In that moment all other thoughts and troubles had fled his mind- Lucius was all that mattered to him. Remus smiled as he realised that this had always been the case, he had let his own selfish thoughts and feelings get in the way before but now, now he could see clearly.

No matter how they both tried to escape it they were drawn together. Since that day in the library Lucius had been all that Remus could think of. He had once thought that God sought to drive them apart but now he thought differently. Surely if it was God's intention that they should never be together then they would not keep meeting, they would not be driven to such drastic acts as suicide when they were apart.

Remus could see this now. It was funny, he thought, how only a tragedy such as suicide could make him see clearly. All he had to do now was convince Lucius. The other man needed him, Remus was sure- he was sure he could help him as Lucius had helped him once upon a time.

Finally he slowed down and arrived at a clean white door, stuck on the wall beside it was the number six- in red.

Suddenly feeling nervous Remus peered through the letterbox shaped window on the door. Inside the little room he saw Lucius lying on the bed- looking for all the world like an angel, although his skin was looking ever paler and his silver eyes looked tired and empty. How Remus wanted to go to him but he could see another figure sitting at the side of the bed. It was Severus Snape, the black haired man was talking to Lucius, and whatever he was saying seemed to be important for both figures looked very serious.

Suddenly the obsidian eyes snapped upwards and Remus found himself gazing eye to eye with Severus Snape.

Feeling all at once rather unworthy Remus turned to leave- he could not see Lucius now. At least he knew he was okay- he had got what he had come for. An opportunity to speak to the silver eyed man would arise again he was sure.

Silently, no longer running, he made his way down the empty white corridor, the black coat almost trailing on the floor.

"Lupin!" called a voice from behind him. Remus turned, there; standing in the hallway was Snape, his black eyes staring and a small smile on his sallow face.

"Severus." He said with a nod to the other man. "Is he going to be alright?" he asked, meaning Lucius.

Severus walked slowly down the hall, each step echoing in the silence. Finally he stopped a metre away from Remus who looked at him with wide amber eyes.

"Will he be alright?" Remus repeated quietly, all of a sudden feeling like the shy boy of his teenage years.

Severus looked at him, a serious expression on his face. "He could be." Came the reply. "I know a way he could be alright."

Remus's breath caught in his throat, "How, how is that?" he asked, hope clawing its way through his body.

Suddenly, in an altogether unexpected movement that was rare for someone as solitary as Snape, he reached out and grabbed Remus's arm. "He loves you." Severus hissed, "I know it, I know he loves you. I thought he stopped but he never did, I thought I alone could help him but I never could. I thought there was no way but there is, now tell me one thing." He paused for a moment, studying Remus's face, which was frozen in an unfathomable expression. "Black said that you never wanted to see Lucius again. Now I think that this cannot be true as you are here but tell me now. Were Black's words true?"

Remus was silent for a moment, a smile creeping across his pale face. "Yes," he cried. "Yes they were true, but not anymore. I can see now….I know now that hiding will do no good."

Severus nodded and released the other man. "Well, Remus, visit the Malfoy manor a week from today." He stopped talking then and, rather oddly, shook Remus's hand before turning on his heel and heading back into room number six. "It was nothing," Remus heard him say as he closed the door. "Just someone who owed me money."

A small, but real, laugh sounded from inside the room and Remus's heart leapt. Lucius would be alright- he would not let him suffer anymore.

(A/N) REVIEW!!! REVIEW!!!! REVIEW!!! Please, review!


	7. No more gazing across the wasted years

(A/N) Happy New Year!!!! I've been ill over Christmas- which sucks but I'm used to it. I'm ill every year, but anyway it gave me more time to think about this story- and how I'm going to end it. It's probably safe to say it won't be the ending you have been expecting/ hoping for. Anyways- as always- REVIEW!!!!

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CHAPTER SEVEN: No More Gazing Across The Wasted Years

_Every traveller in the dark_

_Thanks you for your tiny spark,_

_How could he see where to go_

_If you did not twinkle so?_

_>>>>>>>_

Severus sat at his desk in the Potions classroom of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Before him sat his class of fifth year Slytherin and Gryffindor students. They were mixing a truth potion and Severus had split them into pairs of his own choosing. At the desk nearest his own sat Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter- both bickering over some random and unimportant thing.

Severus allowed himself a small smile as he studied their faces. They were both so young- there was still so much life before them. Perhaps he had been wrong about Draco, he thought as he studied the blonde boy's face. There was so much of Lucius in him; perhaps he too just needed to find someone- someone to save him.

Lucius. Severus had left him that morning at Malfoy Manor- the morning he had arranged for Remus to visit. Of course Lucius knew nothing of this, Severus had been concentrating on helping him feel better- feel stronger. Voldemort had not visited since Lucius's suicide attempt and as Lucius himself said- this was odd. However, Severus could not help but hope that Voldemort would never visit again. But perhaps that was too much to ask for.

As the class packed up and tidied away their equipment Draco approached his desk nervously. "Professor?" he asked, "My father tried to kill himself didn't he?"

Severus was silent, lost for words he simply stared at the boy.

"Everyone knows." Draco said simply. "It was in the paper. Mother says it's because father is weak. Is that true?"

"No…no." Severus croaked. "That is not true. Your father is not weak- he is stronger than you know."

Draco studied him, a ghost of his father at fifteen. Then a small smile graced the boy's lips. "I never thought he was weak." He said before turning and leaving the classroom, the heavy door banging shut behind him.

Severus sat silently- he had never before realised just how fragile Draco was. He had not been able to keep Lucius from Voldemort's clutches but now, he vowed, he would keep Draco safe.

>>>>>>>>

Remus opened the double windows in his room at the Black house. Outside the birds sang sweetly from the rooftops as a light, misty rain fell gently to the ground. He sighed and stretched a bare arm out to feel the rain, it caressed his skin and Remus smiled. The rain felt fresh- perhaps today really was the time for a fresh start.

The smile still firmly on his face Remus pulled on a pair of worn jeans and a white shirt that he had borrowed from Sirius's wardrobe. He had thrown all his own clothes out intending to buy some new stuff, a change was needed and that applied to his wardrobe as well. However, at that point he seemed to be in between wardrobes and so Sirius had agreed to share his clothes. Although they were slightly big Sirius's clothes were much nicer than Remus's old rags and so he was happy- for the moment- to be sharing.

Dragging a brush through his honey and silver hair Remus studied himself in the mirror. Of course he was scared. Talking, really talking, to Lucius after all this time was going to be hard. He had no idea what Lucius's reaction to him would be although if what Severus had said was true…..

Remus sighed, he could still remember the pain and humiliation he had felt when Lucius had thrown him down the stairs after rejecting him harshly. It was true that one event could change your whole life- his life had been anything but happy so far but it was far from over. Maybe now he could change his future for the better, maybe he could save himself once more, save himself and save Lucius.

>>>>>>>>>

Lucius sat at his desk in his study, examining his still bandaged wrists. The sheets on his bed were still red with blood; Narcissa had not even bothered to have them washed. Lucius frowned, his white-gold hair falling in waves over his shoulder.

Suddenly the door flew open and Narcissa entered the room, an angry look on her pointed face. "Well." She said. "I see you're back. What did you think you were doing? Huh? Lucius? What sort of example did you think you were setting for our son? Do you want everyone to see how weak you are? I honestly don't know why Voldemort favours you, you're pathetic, a disgrace to the family gone bef…"

"SHUT UP!" Lucius screamed, pushing his chair backwards roughly and standing. "I never asked you to come here, I never, ever asked for you! I HATE YOU! Do you hear that? My Wife…wife..hah! I have never loved you and as such I am no longer going to put up with your stupid parties, your whiny nagging and your mere, irritating presence! NOW GET OUT!"

Narcissa's face paled beneath her make-up and she fled the room in a flurry of satin and perfume.

Worn out, Lucius collapsed back into his chair and ran his hand through his long hair. It seemed now, at a time when his body was most weak his mind was growing stronger. However, as much as he could now shout at Narcissa he was still unsure that he would be able to defend himself against Voldemort should he return to….well.

As he looked around the room, taking in its elegant décor and mountains of books, Lucius felt empty. He still needed Remus. He knew it- when he had slit his wrists, as the blood had flowed and he had seen his own dead body he had wanted, above all things, to live and to be whole again. Remus could do that for him, but…perhaps, he thought, perhaps it was already too late.

Still, there must have been a reason why he did not die; perhaps it was not God's intention to let him die just yet. That meant that there was still hope; that maybe everything would turn out okay. That he would have a happy ending after all.

In the silence he heard the Butler answer the door downstairs in the entrance hall. Lucius sighed- it was probably one of Narcissa's friends come to gossip about the latest scandals- Lucius had no doubt that he had been the subject of gossip in the past week although Narcissa had probably tried to hush it up. Lucius didn't care anyway- let them gossip- it didn't change anything.

Suddenly he heard a knock at the study door.

>>>>>>>

Remus fiddled with the cuffs of his shirt as he stood outside the study of the Malfoy Manor. The Butler had shown him to the door of the room, explaining that Master Malfoy was most likely in there.

Taking a deep breath he reached out and knocked.

"Yes?" called a voice from within.

Remus swallowed and tried to contain his nerves, his pale hand grasped the doorknob and he twisted it, felling the cold metal burn his palm. As the door swung open Remus took a deep breath.

There, in the centre of the room, sitting at a rather grand old desk was Lucius Malfoy- white-gold hair falling over his shoulders and a shocked expression on his delicately elegant face. Remus searched the silver eyes for a moment- examining and drowning in their depths.

"Here I am." he managed to say. "Here I am, standing in your doorway…..like I've always been standing in your doorway."

Lucius rose, his thin body emerging from behind the desk and making its way over to Remus who stood with a small, wistful smile on his lips. Lucius looked pale and weak in his black shirt and jeans but the expression in his wide silver eyes was one of strength and life.

"Remus." He said, his pale hand reaching out tentatively.

"Yes." Remus said as he felt the elegant fingers ghost across his cheek. "It's me."

Lucius was still looking at him as if he were a spirit- perhaps sent to haunt him. "I'm sorry." The blonde man said, "All this- it's my fault- but Remus, I never meant it to happen. That night of the Halloween ball- I meant to be there but my father had left a portkey. Voldemort….he…he, well he….I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

Remus smiled and let out a choked laugh, "It's alright Lucius. I should never have given up like I did."

For a moment both men were silent and then Lucius's pale fingers wrapped themselves in Remus's thick hair as he pulled him closer. "Forgive me." He whispered before capturing the other man in an almost desperate kiss.

(A/N) Not the end! Not the end!!! Definetly not the end! Please review!!!


	8. Think of me

(A/N)Okay eighth chapter! I don't think that this fic is going to be as long as Colours of the Night but oh well. I just hope I can focus on another story after I've finished this since I tend to get writers block an awful lot. Hmmm…..well, review!!! Please review! The best thing about writing is hearing the feedback!

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CHAPTER EIGHT: Think Of Me

_Think of me once in a while_

_Please promise me you'll try_

_Think of me, think of me fondly_

_When we've said goodbye_

_We never said our love was evergreen_

_Or as unchanging as the sea_

_But if you can still remember_

_Stop and think of me_

_>>>>>>>_

When you are unhappy life can seem to drag on and on. However, when you are happy the opposite applies- days can pass like minutes and years like days. This was so for Lucius and Remus- whose precious hour together passed as quickly as a small gust of wind.

The door to Lucius's bedroom was locked tightly- no matter how Narcissa tried she could not get in, eventually she gave up and returned downstairs- apologising to her guests for her husband's absence.

Inside the room the afternoon sunlight streamed in through the curtains, falling over the abandoned clothes that lay on the floor and the books that had fallen in their hurry.

Remus lay on the large bed, a smile on his face as his amber eyes stared into the silver ones of the man beside him. "I've waited forever to do that." He said.

Lucius smiled at him and laughed, suddenly he sat up- a serious expression on his pale face. "What does this mean now?" he asked quietly, as if dreading the answer.

Remus looked at him with concern, "I don't know- I guess it means that I love you and you love me and that maybe we can finally both have a chance at some kind of…..happiness."

Lucius smiled but as he did so he shook his head, white-gold hair moving like silk in the sunlight. "There is something you don't know…..did you see my back?"

Remus sat up, his brows furrowing as he turned the other man around. In horror he ran his fingers over the large scar which marred the pale flesh, "Lucius!" he gasped. "Who did this to you?"

Secretly, unknown to Remus, a lone tear trickled down the blonde man's cheek. "Who do you think?" he choked, "It was Voldemort….he says I am his….he…he. He'll never let you take me away from him. I know it."

Remus reached out and turned Lucius's face to his, amber eyes looked at silver in horror. "Lucius have you and Voldemort?"

A strange sort of sad smiled cracked across the silver eyed man's porcelain features and Remus prayed that the answer would be no. However, the truth stared out at him from Lucius's deep silver eyes.

"Remus," Lucius hissed as the other man turned away. "I never wanted to…it wasn't like this, it wasn't! It was; it was….."

Remus was thinking, he remembered Lucius's scent on the day that he had rejected him all those years ago. That must have been Voldemort he had smelt on him back then, how long had it been going on? But if, as Lucius said, he hadn't wanted it then didn't that make it….. "Rape?" Remus said hoarsely, "Lucius, he raped you?"

Behind him Lucius winced at the words, his hands pathetically rushing up to cover his ears but falling short, they ended up entangled in his long hair. In some sort of frustration Lucius tugged on his own hair, his eyes wide and scared. "Not just once. " He whispered. "Over and over, again and again and again and again and again and…"

He trailed off there, suddenly enveloped in a hug by a sniffling Remus. Shocked, Lucius put his arms around the other man almost seeing Remus's action to be alien.

"I'm sorry." Remus said. "It doesn't have to happen anymore, I'm here now."

Lucius shook his head; Remus being there wouldn't make a bit of difference when the time came- he knew that. No one could stand in the way of Lord Voldemort, it didn't matter how good or brave you were- in the end he would take everything you loved and ruin you forever. However, he thought- why spoil Remus's dreams? Why spoil his own? For as long as he could Lucius was going to pretend. "I know," he said. "I know you'll protect me."

>>>>>>>>

Severus entered his office and placed the pile of second year test papers down on his desk. Only when they had been arranged neatly did he look up and meet the eyes of the man leaning against the wall.

"Black." He said curtly, taking in the other man's rather dishevelled appearance and glaring blue eyes.

"Have you seen Remus?" Sirius asked, cutting straight to the point.

"Of course I've seen him." Severus replied in a rather amused tone of voice, turning to fully face the other man.

Sirius's glare strengthened. "You know what I mean." He spat. "Do you know where he is? He left this morning without a word to me- you came by the other day asking for him so I can't help but wonder if you know something about this. What is it huh? Have you and Malfoy been plotting to turn him over to Voldemort?"

Severus stared at the taller man in disbelief. "Lucius would never do that to Remus." He said calmly, "And may I suggest that if you really care about your friend then you should let him get on with his life."

Enraged Sirius raised his fist but before he could strike Severus grabbed his wrist in a surprisingly strong grip. In disbelief Sirius looked down at the smaller man and struggled to free his hand.

"I am not a little boy any more Black." Severus hissed; his obsidian eyes boring into the other man's bright blue ones. "You can't push me about anymore. Now I suggest you leave before I raise my hand to you."

Angrily Sirius managed to jerk his arm free, "You're pathetic." He spat. "You've always been pathetic and you always will be. I could crush you in an instant if I wanted to."

Then with one last withering glare Sirius left the office, slamming the door behind him before transforming into the large black dog that was his disguise in the outside world.

Severus stood in the middle of the room, shaking slightly. But not in fear- in anger, he really could have hit Sirius in that moment, but what good would that do? Violence can only be met with more violence.

>>>>>>>>>

As Remus's eyes flickered open he took in the still sleeping form of Lucius. The other man lay spread out over the bed, taking up a surprising amount of space for such a slight figure. Remus smiled at the sleeping man and ran a hand through his long, silky hair. As he did so he heard a laugh sound from the darkest corner of the room. Remus looked up.

There, standing by the window was Lord Voldemort; his snake-like eyes glowing and his cracked mouth open to reveal pointed teeth.

"Lucius," Remus whispered fearfully. "Lucius wake up."

Remus's amber eyes darted down to the body beside him but Lucius's eyes remained closed- unknowing of the danger that lurked in the room.

"What do you want?" Remus asked, his eyes meeting Voldemort's bravely, although now- when it came down to it- he felt anything but brave. Voldemort smiled and advanced towards the bed, reaching out his claw-like fingers he stroked Lucius's cheek.

"Don't touch him!" Remus said quietly but forcefully. He had never been this close to Voldemort before- evil radiated of the other man in waves.

The yellowy eyes snapped up to look at Remus, "Or what?" he hissed, an amused grin slicing across the parchment-like skin of his face. "What will you do little werewolf? Will you kill me?"

Remus gulped loudly and grasped the still sleeping Lucius's hand. He held the pale fingers tightly in his own, scared of letting go. He didn't want to ever let go. "I don't know." He whispered.

Voldemort's smile grew wider and a forked tongue flicked out to lick along the slash that was his mouth. Moving one claw-like hand he slashed a cut onto Lucius's cheek, "Pureblood." He hissed, leaning down to taste the blood that flowed down the pale skin and dyed the white-gold hair red.

As Remus watched he felt his stomach churn in disgust. "Get away from him!" he cried almost hysterically- pushing Voldemort backwards with his free hand.

The Dark Lord hissed and struck Remus on the face, "You have no right to touch me werewolf. As you had no right to touch him either, now he is spoiled. You have spoiled him. How dare you think that you are good enough to touch such pure blood?"

Remus looked back at the sleeping body of his lover, at the blood blossoming over his hair and he felt a tear slip down his cheek. "How dare I?" he whispered, turning to face Voldemort once more. "How dare you? You had no right to do what you have done to him. He isn't yours to do with as you please."

"He is mine." Voldemort hissed, pointing to Lucius's arm. "He bears my mark so he is mine. Now step away from him!" Using abnormal strength Voldemort threw Remus from the bed. He landed with a soft thump against the wall.

Remus groaned and clutched the back of his head, "LEAVE HIM ALONE!" he cried, struggling to stand- he seemed to have lost all strength.

In horror he watched as Voldemort cut down Lucius's chest. "Why doesn't he wake up?" Remus asked, "Why doesn't he wake up?"

Voldemort smiled at him, an insane, sadistic smile, before bending down once more to lick the flowing blood from Lucius's chest. Suddenly, hissing, he rose up and spat the blood onto Lucius's face. "You silly boy." He hissed to the sleeping body. "You taste of werewolf now, he has contaminated you."

Remus rose shakily to his feet and crossed the wooden floor to the bed; weakly he grasped one of the wooden posts and clung to it. "Leave him then." He said. "If he's so contaminated then leave him, let him alone to get on with his life."

Voldemort shook his head slowly, "I have no more use for him," he said slowly, the words burning through Remus's brain like fire. "But that does not mean that I will let you take him little werewolf. He is not for you."

Panicking, Remus reached out and shook Lucius- his head flopped to the side like a doll but still he showed no sign of awakening. "Please wake up, please wake up!" He cried helplessly as Voldemort produced a small silver knife from within his thick, dark cloak.

"Do you see this knife?" Voldemort hissed. "It is the knife he used to slit his own wrists open. He tried to kill himself because of you."

"NO!" Remus cried, clutching the wooden post tightly for fear he might fall over.

"I thought he was stronger than that." Voldemort continued, "But he wasn't. Poor Lucius- he'll never be happy now."

"No." Remus whispered, freezing as Voldemort placed the knife's blade next to the pale flesh of Lucius's neck. "No." he repeated.

Voldemort looked up, his eyes flashing and his teeth bared- in that moment Remus didn't think he had ever seen anything more horrifying. "Silly werewolf. You didn't seriously think that your little dream would work out did you?"

"Yes," Remus whimpered, tears trickling down his face and his amber eyes shining with love for one person, that person he so desperately had wanted to save. "Yes, I thought it would work out."

Voldemort shook his head and tutted, "Silly werewolf." He hissed, dragging the smooth blade across Lucius's pale throat.

Remus could barely register what was happening. His eyes widened as he watched the blood flow from the open wound, spreading across the pale skin, the white-gold hair and the silk bed sheets.

Voldemort studied Remus's horrified expression and laughed. "Well," he said with a twisted smile. "At least he wasn't in pain" Then, with another high pitched laugh he vanished and Remus's strength returned. With a heartbreaking cry he scrambled onto the bed and lifted Lucius's body to his own in a blood soaked hug.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, repeating the same words in a mantra. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Lucius remained like a doll in his arms, his head flopping backwards and his once shining silver eyes staring empty and lifeless at the ceiling. Eventually, losing all strength in his arms, Remus let Lucius's body fall back down onto the sheets. Lying down beside it he rested his head on the blood soaked pillow and stared, defeated, into the empty eyes. "I waited too long," he told the dead body sadly. "If I had been there for you before, if I had stopped him before……if I had saved you. You know I always loved you? Even when you rejected me- I think maybe even before you first spoke to me. I guess somewhere inside I always knew, I always knew I loved you."

With a small sigh Remus lay his head on Lucius's chest, shivering as the blood soaked into his honey and silver hair. As the sun set outside the room plunged into darkness, the bright silver moonlight creeping in through the window to highlight two figures- one as pale and cold as marble and the other lying beside this lifeless statue.

Along the hall Narcissa retired to bed, and at Hogwarts Draco laughed along with his friends at an amusing joke. Neither dreamed that their husband and father lay dead- his body cold despite the warmth of his bed.

(A/N) Okay- one more chapter coming up. Please review, I love reviews (as you have probably guessed.) heh heh heh.


	9. Abandon thought and let the dream descen...

(A/N) Okay- the final chapter! I know, I know- I killed Lucius. I'm sorry but I had to do it- I couldn't see it ending any other way. Heh heh- please don't be mad. Anyway enjoy the last chapter and please REVIEW!!!!!

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CHAPTER NINE: Abandon Thought And Let The Dream Descend

_Past the point of no return,_

_No backward glances,_

_Our games of make-believe are at an end,_

_>>>>>>>_

The room was smoky and badly lit. The few candles had almost melted away- their pale light flickering in the darkness. Perhaps the darkness did a favour to the room though- by hiding it in the shadows people couldn't see the emptiness of the room- the oppressive blankness all around.

In the centre- nearest the flickering candles was a small, circular table. The table was old, any eye could see that, and graffiti covered the badly varnished wood- messages left by all the people who had sat there in the many years past.

In the middle of the table, shiny and cold in the candlelight sat a small black gun- chilling the air round about it. Across from each other, at opposite sides of the table sat two men. One was Remus Lupin and the other was Lucius Malfoy.

Lucius had a smile on his pale face, his silver eyes alight and gently teasing, his white-gold hair falling about his shoulders like a waterfall.

Remus wore a puzzled expression, his amber eyes dull and full of confusion. "You're dead." He said.

Lucius smiled and examined his nails for a moment in the unsteady light. "I am." He said finally- meeting Remus's eyes again.

Remus frowned and brushed a stray lock of hair from his eyes. "Then….how?"

Lucius laughed playfully and shook his head- his hair moving softly, framing his face like an angel. Staring intently at Remus he held a elegant finger to his pale lips. "Ssssh." He whispered. "I want to play a game."

Remus swallowed heavily and his amber eyes flicked down to the gun and then back up again- looking nervously into the silver depths. "What…what sort of game?" he asked rather shakily.

Lucius's eyes glittered and he reached out a pale hand. Lifting the gun from the table he caressed the smooth metal almost sensually, his eyes never leaving Remus's face. The very image of demented beauty, he pressed the gun to his head. "Bang bang." He said, pulling the trigger.

Remus's breath caught in his mouth as his heart skipped a beat.

Laughing, Lucius tossed the gun across the table. "Your turn." He said.

Remus licked his lips, his mouth was suddenly dry and a bead of cold sweat had appeared on his forehead. Reaching out, he took the gun and held it to his own forehead. The metal burned like ice against his skin and, involuntarily, Remus shuddered. "What will this achieve?" he asked before pulling the trigger.

He closed his eyes, preparing for a searing pain- when none came he opened them again. At the other side of the table Lucius laughed gently. "My turn." He said.

Remus felt a tear slip down his cheek as he handed the gun to Lucius- their fingers brushing for one intense moment. "I didn't want you to die." He whispered.

Lucius smiled mysteriously- his teasing eyes both engaging and infuriating the amber eyed man. "In this world." He said. "There are winners and losers. Who are you Remus Lupin?"

Remus closed his eyes as Lucius pulled the trigger. Who was he? He didn't know anymore- he hadn't known for a long time.

Reopening his eyes he was greeted with the sight of Lucius- still there- holding the gun out to him once more.

"I'm a loser." Lucius said sadly as Remus took the gun, their fingers brushing once more. "I wasn't strong enough."

Remus smiled and pressed the gun once more to his head- the sweat had gone now and a sort of peace had overcome him. Lucius looked beautiful- he didn't think he had ever seen anyone or anything more amazing.

"You aren't a loser Remus Lupin." Lucius whispered as Remus pulled the trigger. "You're just afraid. But I don't want you to be afraid anymore."

Remus sighed and passed the gun back over. Who was he?

"I want you to win. I want you to live." A lonely tear slipped down the pale face as Lucius pressed the cool, smooth metal once again to his head- pushing it hard against his skin.

"I can't live without you." Remus said quietly, a regretful smile playing on his lips. "I can't be alone anymore."

"You won't be alone." Lucius said, his silver eyes shining, his left hand trembling where it rested on the table. "I will never leave you. And so you must live. Live for yourself- believe in life again."

"Lucius." Remus whispered fearfully, his hand reaching out for the man across the table.

"I love you." Lucius said with a smile before pulling the trigger one final time. The bullet shot from the gun and ripped through his head. Skull and brains flew everywhere, splattering Remus with blood and yet still the peaceful smile remained frozen on the lower half of his face.

His stomach reeling, Remus scrambled to his feet- sending the chair flying backwards to the floor as he did so. It hit the floor with a loud bang- the only sound now in the cavernous room- except for Remus's heartbeat which echoed loudly in his ears.

Slowly, as if the air was stiff and heavy, Remus made his way over to Lucius's body- The stench of blood filled his nose and Remus gagged. Pausing, he sank to his knees, bending over to throw up- the contents of his stomach mingling with the blood on the floor.

Raggedly- somehow short of breath he crawled over to the dead body, leaning over he stared at the tattered mess that was Lucius's face. Suddenly the pale lips moved and Remus jumped backwards in shock. "Wake up." Lucius said. "Wake up!"

>>>>>>>

Remus's eyes opened and he sat up. Looking around him he saw the familiar setting of his room at Sirius's house. The sun streamed in gently through the half open curtains and the softly ticking clock on the bedside table read 11:30am.

Remus sighed and clutched his stomach as he remembered the dream. Closing his eyes all the images of the last few days flitted through his mind. Lucius smiling, Lucius laughing, Lucius caught in the throes of passion, and finally…..Lucius lying cold, dead to the world.

In that moment, when he had lain beside the cold marble body that had once been the man he loved, Remus had wanted to die. Now though he wasn't sure. That dream had been so real- Lucius had been so real. Lucius had wanted him to go on living; Lucius didn't want him to give up.

Who was he? The answer seemed so easy when he thought about it. Who was he? He was Remus Lupin- nothing more and nothing less.

>>>>>>

Severus Snape sat beside the coffin, looking in he was met by the pale, cold and dead face of his friend. He could hardly believe it- Lucius was gone; nothing could bring him back now.

Severus shivered. He felt cold and alone- who was left for him to turn to now that Lucius was gone? Who could he drown his sorrows with? Who could he trust?

For the first time in a long while Severus broke down into tears. They poured from his obsidian eyes, racking his body and freezing his soul. He was lost.

(A/N) THE END!!!!!!! Please review!!!!


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